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We'd also like you to send as much as you can. In return, we promise not to bother you by sending you anything, not even a thank you.
We know there are some of you reading this suffering from backaches, illnesses of loved ones, and your own financial difficulties, and you're wondering what you can expect for your non-tax deductible contribution to Uncle Scummy. Well, here's what you get: you get to USE YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO UNCLE SCUMMY AS AN EXCUSE TO KEEP AWAY OTHERS WHO ARE ALSO TRYING TO GET AT YOUR WALLET.
Imagine:
Your shiftless brother asks you for a loan. Now you can look him in the eye and say, "Sorry, I just sent all my cash to Uncle Scummy."
The joy you will experience when phone solicitors bother you with another no-obligation offer, and you just tell them, "Uncle Scummy has advised me to hang up on you. Have a nice day."
USE UNCLE SCUMMY AS THE FINANCIAL EXCUSE YOU'VE ALWAYS NEEDED AND END UP SAVING A BUNDLE! The next time anyone tries to sell you anything, just tell them you have to make a contribution to Uncle Scummy. Then, send us 10% of what you would have paid for the offer in question and YOU COME OUT 90% AHEAD! HOW CAN YOU LOSE?
You can only lose by not acting now! Who knows who's going to hit you up for some cash next? So now, before it's too late, before the next phone call that begins "Am I speaking to ...", contact Uncle Scummy and find out how you can help yourself by helping us.
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